Looking back to recent events...

Photos taken at Fingal headland in May. Mum and I had a beautiful walk around the headland which I had never seen in all my years of living in and visiting the area.


Cousin Marnie, Amy and I, a couple of weeks ago up north.
My baby brother Al, Mum and me, a brilliant May morning at Ocean Shores, same trip.
The new dress, which does not hide my curves at all! Sans make-up and with wet hair, but you can't have everything. At least the (fake) tan is working!
Mum and I shortly after I surprised her at her 65th birthday party- we're having lunch right on Kingscliff beach.

No Time to think....

Well It's that time again- doing my last assignment for the semester- and you would think for all the blood sweat and tears I put in that I was doing a full load of subjects, but no- I'm just doing the one. Because of the way I use my time that one subject becomes a much bigger thing than it should I suppose- but let's just say "things" happened, and now I am doing a whole semester's work within about 10 days.
And I've kind of run out of puff today. I didn't sleep last night, my brain was switched onto Mack 6 and I couldn't gear it down, even with my body totally pooped.
So with a weary mind and body, I will try and make a little bit of progress today.
It's actually due tomorrow- but I will be handing it in late,after the long weekend- and properly done too.

I find it very hard to study when my house is dirty and the washing is piling up- but his is how it will stay until I get the place to myself, and the assignment handed in, next Tuesday-
Ahh freedom, I can smell it- (and it smells like Mallacoota!)
but first,
there's a Timeline of the history of the Christian Church-
OH yes, the whole 2000 years of it, in 2000 words. GO me.
But that's not all- included in this will be a cohesive and intelligent argument... just to show that I do understand this is a philosophy unit.
Just what that argumant is to be- thank Goodness, I have worked that bit out... but the rest is a hard slog, constructing this time-line thing.



I have begun geting up early and walking my dogs to begin the day- you can tell they're a bit confused today 'cos I slept in and they missed out!
Craig Harper (bless him) has got me seriously looking at the way I look at exercise and Johnny's on that same wave length too- yes, it's not meant to feel good, it's meant to make my butt slimmer!
It's not just the exercise, I know that, I am committed (most of the time) to eating for health, but that comittment has to be 're-set" every month, at least!

I went to see my family in NSW weekend before last, and it was such a lovely time. It was mum's 65th birthday- and I surprised her at her birthday lunch - SURPRISE!!!
It was so much fun to do that.
We had a great couple of days together, and I had a lovely night at my cousin's too.
I also got to catch up with my baby brother and his girlfiend, all lovey dovey and rapt in each other. SO nice to see, but so scary- new relationships are scary things I think!
I don't know how, but millions of us do make it through those precarious few weeks of a new relationship and settle into marriage and total mundaneness- but we do, and very successfully.
It is the natural order of things I think!


Anyway, as good willed as that jaunt up North/family visit gesture was, I think it's the main reason I'm so lost in this assignment now!
When it's all over, I will come back and I promise I will talk about something more interesting...

About not having Cancer...

An old photo, taken about 18th months ago, but you can see how tall she is...

May14

Yesterday I had a mammogram and ultra-sound, to investigate a sore boob, the left one.

I felt really confident that it was going to be an easy and almost painless procedure. I was totally ok about it all, even flippant. Then I had the ultrasound, and it took forever. The technician went over the same areas again and again, over the sore spots, and a darkish area in there, that she marked out with her cursor and took multiple images of. I got more and more scared as the process went on. Then she left to go and “check” that all the right images had been done in another room. She was away for about 10 minutes, leaving me lying there all mucky under a towel, alone, and afraid. It was the worst 10 minutes I have ever had. Once I started thinking that she had been away TOO long- I started to then wonder, was there really something very seriously wrong? Would she come back with a Medico to inform me I was in a bad way? When would she come back, and would she apologise to me for taking so long?

Well when she finally came back she was extremely impersonal and dismissive, and that made me even more suspicious.

So now I await the results in a state of high anxiety- waiting for the Vit B to kick in… maybe I’ll go and have some chamomile tea…

Thankfully I have a lot to do and it’s a magnificent day.

It’s Sylvie’s birthday tomorrow, and I am determined, that no matter what the news is, I won’t let it affect her day.

The family knows me, and knows how I am a total hypochondriac, who has had some health scares over the years, but nothing really serious has come of them…yet.

And so I have a lot of reasons to be positive and to reassure myself that this too will be something minor, and I’ll be OK. But on the other hand, why should I? Why shouldn’t it be that I, like so many of my peers these days, have fallen prey to Breast cancer as well? Why should I be spared?

As I said to Liz last night (who is fighting an advanced form of Breast cancer), I am not as afraid of the disease nor the treatment, as I am of losing the life I now have, the sameness and security of it. I don’t like change, and I don’t like the thought of it. I am cosy, I am secure, and I am content. I know where I belong, I love my family they way they are, and I don’t want ANY of it to change. Hear that God? Please don’t let it be!

I’m so glad I shared all that with that particular friend, she has lost her husband to leukaemia, she has lost her breast, her hair, her livelihood, and she comforted me by reminding that it all changes, all the time- the partners, the kids, the jobs, the circumstances, and we DO cope. Thanks Liz, you are a ROCK.

May 15^th

My darling little girl’s 17^th birthday , and well, I’ve enjoyed it all, starting with getting up early to cook her breakfast, then walking the dogs, then cooking pies. After I forced lunch down I braved myself to ring my Doctor about my results.

My heart was in my stomach and my stomach was in my mouth. I shook and quaked and panted, but then I deep breathed as the receptionist told me “for all intents and purposes it’s NORMAL… but the Doctor may need to speak to you.”

They were words of GOLD that filled my heart with inexpressible joy.

Later, as I went out shopping, feeling like Superwoman herself, invincible, unstoppable; my doctor rang to explain that I have a number of cysts and may need them treated some time in the future. Heck, I can deal with that. But I could have dealt with worse news too. I know Cancer can kill. I know many breast cancers are lethal. But I also know that I have a deeper peace, and an abiding sense that I would not be doing it alone. I know it sounds corny but it’s true. While I was contemplating how I might deal with the worst possible scenario, I was also deciding how I might win this battle, how I might cheat death and spit it in the eye. I maybe gained an iota of insight into the mind of an actual person dealing with cancer, and how they might feel about it. And it wasn’t exactly a feeling of fear or helplessness I felt, but more of acceptance without necessarily accepting defeat. Hard to explain really.

I hope I never have to face cancer for real. But I won’t spend my life running scared. I will live it with even more gratitude and passion and less concern for always being correct or serious or worried about what I think are stupid things!

PS, The birthday dinner went off really well, Sylvie had a lovely time and we had fun, especially me- and maybe I had a few wines too many, but I really wanted to celebrate life.

So I did.

I turned 44 and Hit the wall!

You Are a Colon

You are very orderly and fact driven. You aren't concerned much with theories or dreams... only what's true or untrue. You are brilliant and incredibly learned. Anything you know is well researched. You like to make lists and sort through things step by step. You aren't subject to whim or emotions. Your friends see you as a constant source of knowledge and advice. (But they are a little sick of you being right all of the time!) You excel in: Leadership positions You get along best with: The Semi-Colon

What Punctuation Mark Are You?



Well I just found this cute little quiz (thanks Tina!)and I was quite surprised to find out I was a
colon-

That's cool, I can live with that.



On being 44...

I am really happy to be at the age I am, doing what I am doing. And isn't that good?
I have been very dissatisfied at other times in my life, but generally speaking , since turning 40 I have appreciated and cherished what-ever age I am at, for various reasons...

Lets have a look at some of those:

• I now know a lot more about what makes me tick, and don't get all hung up in crises of identity- I am who I am and that's good enough. If God loves me, who am I to not love myself?
• I am on the road to fitter and healthier, of course I have set-backs, as we all do, but I don't let them crush my drive to get to a healthier me. I now understand the processes that kept me quite down-trodden and depressed for many years whilst my kids were little. I am working my way into the potentially healthy and vital lifestyle I am meant to live.
  
• I am, although not perfect physically yet, comfortable in my own skin. I know what looks good on me, I like my good bits- my hair, my smile. And apparently everyone's NOT looking at me or my fat bum all the time!
• I also know I have some pretty awful bits, inside and out. And that's humbling, grounding and I think healthy. I don't hate myself- but I know there's always room for improvement. I could be a better listener, and a much better friend, a better mother and wife, daughter etc. But I'm willing to learn to be.
• I'm studying at Uni- and this is a dream come true- I planned it and thought about it- and now it's happening. And my life is so much the richer for it. The piece of paper at the end will be a wonderful reward; what I'm learning about life in general as I study is an even greater reward.

• I have learnt a lot about love and relationships and I feel OK with myself about how I conduct some really tricky family relationships. I've had to learn to forgive and also to love from a place of security- in knowing that the past is past. I can move forward in life- even if others have trouble doing the same.

• I am not afraid to show emotion, to be the odd one out occasionally, to feel passionate about things, even if I'm seen to be different.

That's some of the reasons why I am a satisfied and happy 44 year old. My life is not perfect, but it's pretty close. I guess if I hadn't had a fairly unhappy and traumatic youth and young adulthood, I might not be able to appreciate all that I have now in family love, a good marriage and health.
Maybe I would have, but I can't have those years back to do them better, so I will try to make the most of the ones I have ahead of me!

Mallacoota Dreamin'....

No other place makes me feel as restful, at peace as does Mallacoota.
Oh I'm sure there's plenty of other places on Earth that could do it for me, but none I have been to yet.
We got there on Wednesday, and upon opening our new little acquisition up, were amazed to find it more well appointed, more cute, and far more spacious than we had remembered it.

What ever suffering we have to go through to get to it and undergo to keep it- I'm sure it will be well worth it.
Sitting on that little balcony, watching the pelicans glide by, the little boats on the inlet, the people coming and going we would go into a state of blissful silence.
In the backyard, the same trance was made possible by sitting and watching the birds flutter in the bird bath, the skinks sunning and then scuttling as the sun hid then peeped out from behind the clouds. The last of the Indian summer warmth along with humidity brought out all the wildlife and colours and sounds of summer although it was Autumn.
It was all too lovely.
Hopefully we will get down there in the winter to see what that season will offer.


"Save Bastion Point!"
Down at the beach the pristine waves crashed in over the dogs and myself as we played, and we raced and dodged amongst beautiful rocks which comprise the life-giving home of many species of vegetation and sea creatures. The incredibly clean feel and smell of the place, the knowing that it is one of the last great areas of wilderness and undeveloped coast are feelings I treasure.
Apparently this will all change , if the "powers that be" get to push ahead with their desire to develop a concrete sea-wall and huge car-parking area, along with staircases- formalising and structuring a beautifully wild and naturally positioned piece of head-land, creating a "human-made" beach, like we see here at the Surf-Coast, where most of the beaches have lost their unsullied charm.
"Save Bastion Point" has become the catch-cry of many of the locals- who understand how precious their little corner of the world is.
I so want this development to go away, too. Please don't let Bastion Point be a Bastion that falls to the lure of greedy developers who want to sacrifice wilderness for the safe mundane appearance of sanitized macadamized car parks and a totally predictable swell onto a concrete wall. Mallacoota is a 6 hour drive from its nearest major city for goodness sake.
In the words of the Beatles- Let it Be!

Roo, Rudi! Come here boy!!!

The Dog's Tale

It's 35 degrees out there, the garden is crisping and the dogs are flaked out on the floor.
I had to take little Roo to the vet today- we got a health guarantee from the animal Welfare, and we were just within our 14 days cut off time.
He had been vomiting frequently, and we were a bit concerned.
Thankfully it was only that his dog food was too rich for his system, so he has to go onto the adult mix for a wee while, then we'll gradually mix in the puppy stuff till he's used to it.
Phew!
Thank God for that- I really love this little critter now- and would hate for anything to happen to him.
He's not that good at coming back yet- hopefully we'll get that into him, and soon.
Last night we had both dogs at the beach and it was fantastic to see them run together through the waves- no-one's been able to give Daisy that much of a challenge before, and she loved every minute of it.
It was so worth getting her a playmate.

University Life
I have got all my study material now- and the units are up on the Website- so it's all systems go- 3 Units- I wonder how I'll go???
I certainly feel more confident than I did last year, starting four- and I only completed two in the 1st semester.
I can see that my 3 subjects all dovetail nicely, World Religions for Philosophy, Europe in the Age of Ideologies and Australia & the Pacific- Colonisation. I do have less assignments- but also an exam for one subject, I think it's spread out well though.
So with this in mind- I hope to take this enthusiasm and forge ahead- I can only try.




Injuries sustained by the car's tow-bar gouging a nice chunk- evil thing!




And the dog bone leaping onto my big toe.

Stuff

I thought I'd better bring you all up to date with happenings lately-
I have put a deposit on a little dog at the pound- and the family are all mad at me- but I fell in love with "Cooch" the minute I found him.
I knew I wanted a red dog and it had to be medium sized and short haired and friendly and male.
And there he was, loving me through the wire cage, pressing his little face up hard so he could kiss my fingers- eying me with his greenish gold eyes, full of potential adoration....
I've bought him for Daisy- because she is a misery guts when she's not working and rounding up and playing with us- and we're all about to get really busy with our school and Uni and work and such.
It's not right to keep a dog when it's just sad all the time.
If no-one can be bothered exercising her she misses out. I hate thinking she's not getting all the stimulation a dog like her needs.
So hence the Cooch- I thought of that name because it complements Daisy's name- and then Sam brought to mind that Cooch is the lanky guy out of "Footrat Flats"- you know, the nature lover.
....Maybe I've bought him for me.

Holiday Fun and surviving the New Year...

The Nehill family have safely embarked upon, undertaken and returned from the annual pilgrimage to Mallacoota. In a nutshell- it was GREAT!
Well, Ok, we didn't sleep and it was a 9 day diet of Vegemite toast, icecreams, Chocolate, coffee and muesli (until I burst out in cold-sores) and other nasty fatty things, with the occasional bit of fruit or vegetable thrown in.
I love camping, and I love the great outdoors. We got our fill of both, staying 6 nights at Mallacoota, then detouring on the way home at a beautiful spot in South Gippsland for 3 nights in the Tarra valley on the edge of the Tarra Bulga National Park.
We met really nice people, and we took our dog too so we got to meet other doggy people and other nice dogs as well.

Mallacoota was hot, windy and full of flies. Tarra valley was cool, tranquil and also full of flies.
But both spots are beautiful. The wildlife was amazing- loud kookaburras woke us every morning in both places- and I missed them this morning. At Tarra Valley, the massive gums housed feuding Koalas. Friendly lorikeets fed out of feeders in the caravan park and I heard bird calls I've never heard. I feel bereft without the constant piping of the bell-birds clear call. Rabbits in plague proportions bounced everywhere, even in broad daylight- a pity we weren't allowed to loose our dogs upon them.


I got to really relax at Mallacoota, all cares dropped away, and I enjoyed reading The Kite Runner, playing with the dog, the daily coffee at the cafe and not having access to the computer! We checked out the Beach Mission kids and got to have a few laughs at their annual Panto- this year it was Indiana Jones.
We walked and rode a lot, until it got very windy - then we went roaming about the streets of Mallacoota in the car, checking out the wonderful views- it's a very beautiful and remote spot- and I so hope it stays that way .

Packing up to leave Mallacoota was a real effort, but the next destination,"Best Friends Holiday Park" a few hours drive south-west was a real respite from the crowds, and a haven from the dust and heat. Even Sylv and her mate were eventually really enjoying themselves without all the trappings of shops, and the constant presence of friends. The highlights were playing in the river, sliding on the cascades, and just having fun- and the bon-fire at night- it was a lovely family time.

Staying at Tarra Valley was such a good move- because we were all enjoying each other's company by the time it came to leave-
I really think that by getting back to nature and leaving all the trappings we were able to really help ourselves reconnect with each other, and even with our own selves.
The 3 days in the bush seemed to really helped to soothe, refresh and give us back a sense of fun.

I think you know that you have had a really good holiday when you come home and feel really happy about being home again.